Thursday, March 06, 2008

Boxers 'n' Briefs: Fetid, Don't Fail Me Now!

I had a long day at work the other day, what with the incessant meetings and only a few chances to make use of my hand puppets while the boss was speaking. So when I got home and walked in the door (and then after picking myself up off the porch and opening the door this time before walking through), I was greeted by a horrendous smell. I mean, this was a paint-peeling stench. This was an odor obviously fermented somewhere deep in the bowels of hell and unleashed upon an unsuspecting and nasally sensitive world.

My first thought was that the dog had gotten into some bad tuna and nobody had let her outside. But after careful olfactorization and a few near-swoons, I finally determined the source of the noisome reek. A package had been delivered.

Yes, folks, that's right... I have Ryan's shoes! And they are "pristine" in the sense that they are completely unaltered from the time he took them off. They have dirt and gunk caked on them that came straight from The Swamps of Florida. If I hadn't seen it for myself, I would have SWORN that a cardboard box couldn't melt! As Ryan said in his blog: "I don't know what he'll do with them, but I sure wish I could be a fly on the wall when he opens THAT package." Believe me, Ryan, when I opened that package, there were LOTS of flies present!

So now the question arises... what to do with them? I have some ideas, but I would like to open up for suggestions. I am leaning toward some sort of money-generating thing where the proceeds would go toward AQ or a Premium Membership Scholarship or something, much like the WONDERFUL auction DebBee is holding for other Ryan paraphernalia. So send or post your thoughts, and please hurry! The cats keep trying to bury the shoes in the sandbox...

1) Cockatiels for Two.

2) Sage advice.

3) At least, you HOPE it was ink...

4) Warren peace.

5) Phases of the moon(shwr)

6) I wanda what he'll say next?

7) Letterbox recovery.

8) Things that make a wassa laugh, #1.

9) Peas on Earth, Goodwill to Man

10) Pre-pairing to box.

11) Heheheheeee.... just having a little fun... heheheee...

12) Boston T Party

13) Sumping wicked this way comes.

14) Wire we buying blades?

15) Nommercialism

16) We just call it "Pre-Speak"

17) Things that make a wassa laugh, #2.

18) Cheese Tracing? Much safer than Cheese Racing!

19) I swear I had NOTHING to do with this!

Well, that's all for now! Be sure to let me know what I should do with Ryan's Shoes! PLEASE?

-wassamatta_u

7 Comments:

At 2:28 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

you want us to bid on these after your place has melted........not sure that the world can handle having those things move around it very much.......so much for the o zone..........

maybe we can toss them back into the swamp and let the swamp monsters have them........

condo

 
At 2:32 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm imagining a cross between a bingo pool, a hostage situation, and something else. People will need to sign up for this. What they are signing up for is a chance to win part of the pot (that is the bingo part). People then pledge money to either get the sneakers kept away from them or to have them mailed to them (the more money you pledge/the more convincing you are, the better chance you have). If you are lucky/unlucky enough to get stuck with the tennies, then they're yours until someone pledges more money/not enough money and then they get sent on. Basically it's a chance for a lot of foolishness via the postal service.

 
At 5:42 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Due to the nasally toxic nature of these shoes, you cannot release the odor on possible purchasers without being subject to some sort of lawsuit.

I would suggest a limited edition of giant LTCs- one side the photo, the other the stamp of the sole. When you have finished the series, then you kitties can do what they wish.

(This way you have more to sell! $$$)

Another thought is to have them just appear on someone's lawn, just like the traveling group of plastic pink flamingos we have around here.

People could then either pay to to remove them, or pay to prevent them from coming, although animals might...bury them and then this money making scheme is done.

jay1

 
At 3:03 AM, Blogger Mandy said...

Who is that "Cheese Racing" guy? He's scary.

 
At 9:50 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

what if you planted a letterbox in the shoes...those brave enough to actually look for it and then touch the shoes to get it, will claim the stamp image for their bravery! :)

Wander Woman

 
At 4:05 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey Wassa! You could sell them on ebay. If you said they were brand new, you could sell them for a pretty pennie.=)

*IML*

 
At 7:05 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sometimes "pre speak" is fleeting and momentary...even in my own wittle blonde brain....

I PREfer to tease publicly, then take it from there privately.

You: "Am I missing something?"
Pre: Probably...

wassa, thanks, as always!

preboxed

 

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